25 good jokes

1. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Santa stands up- we must find & stop her!.


2. Santa-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Santa-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?


3. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Santa: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


4. Santaji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!


5. Santa's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..


6. Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


7. Santa was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.


8. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?


9. Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


10. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


11. A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."


12. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


13. Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


14. Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


15. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


16. What's the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician


17. How do you recognize a Santa in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


18. once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.

He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


19. Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'


20. Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.


21. Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....

Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???


22. Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....

Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??

Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??

Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!


23. Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.


24. Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.


25. Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.