Monday, September 29, 2008

Job Titles (Funny and Respective)

In line with our constitution and to eliminate discrimination in our society, the following titles will now be used for these jobs:

Garden Boy - Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist
House Maid - Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Typist - Printed Document Handler
Messenger - Business Communications Conveyer Window
Cleaner - A Transparent Wall Technician
Tea Boy - Refreshments Overseer
Garbage Collector - Public Sanitation Technicians
Watchman - Theft Prevention and Surveillance
Receptionist - Office Access Control Specialist
Cook - Food Preparation Officer
Office Orderly - Office Administration Facilitator
Cleaner - Office Hygiene Control Specialist

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Windows Error (Pics)

There are some funny pics of windows error.


















Something About Girls Complexity


If you Kiss her, You are not a Gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you do not understand

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

That's A GIRL!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tajmahal is moving from Agra to Pune

Can u believe if I say TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE What ! you don't believe me.. Ok... see the proof
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See.......... it is moving

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Why Newton Commited Suicide (Joke)



Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide.....

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.
Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.




Monday, September 15, 2008

Optical Ilusian.....(pics)

If some thing is rotating you need a break.






Got stuck





What are you seeing here





Lines are parallel or not...............





Circular or coil








Sunday, September 14, 2008

Funny Leave Applications

I HOPE NONE OF YOU WRITES SUCH LEAVE APPLICATIONS..........................

1. Infosys, Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,please sanction me one-week leave.

2.This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC.
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,please grant me 10 days leave."

5.Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the well."

13.A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a : 'Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! ) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Amazing Facts

1. People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.
2. Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.
3. People with blue eyes see better in dark.
4. Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
5. The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
6. The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
7. The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
8. There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
9. A male baboon can kill a leopard.
10. When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
11. Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
12. Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
13. Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
14. American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
15. The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
16. In the 1930's America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
17. There's a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
18. Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
19. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
20. Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
21. Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
22. The right lung takes in more air than the left.
23. It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
24. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
25. Astronauts cannot burp in space.
26. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
27. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
28. The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
29. No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
30. SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
31. A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
31. DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
32. A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
33. The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
34. The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
35. DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
36. CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
37. The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
38. OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
39. POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
40. KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
41. ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
42. OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
43. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
44. The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
45. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
46. Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
47. German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
48. A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.

Air India (Joke by raju srivastava)


Raju shrivastav was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, he declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, he began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

He picked up the lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then he took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India" replied he proudly.

Finally, he took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweet of India" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooooooo! !!!" from raju shrivastav..

"What was that..?" asked the American in disgust.

He replied coolly, "That's Air India..!!"

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A funny Interview




OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY



CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR



OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?



CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR



OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?



CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR



OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?



CANDIDATE : MATRIC PASS



OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?



CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR



OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY



CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR



OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW



CANDIDATE : M P. SIR



OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW



CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE. ...?



OFFICER : MP !!!



CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?



OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED... ......... .....!!!! !!!!!!!!!





Stupid question?? Great replies


1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...


2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes stepson your feet...Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't youtry again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiterStupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


6. When a friend announces her wedding,
and you ask... Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive. ..it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phonecall...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidentlyshorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!


Saturday, September 6, 2008

Funny Algebra Solution (Pics)

Funny Algebra Solution












Funny Algebra Solution

Friday, September 5, 2008

25 good jokes



1. A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Santa stands up- we must find & stop her!.


2. Santa-why r all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Santa-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?


3. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Santa: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


4. Santaji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!


5. Santa's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..


6. Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


7. Santa was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.


8. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?


9. Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


10. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."


11. A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."


12. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


13. Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".


14. Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


15. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


16. What's the definition of lawyer?

The larval form of a politician


17. How do you recognize a Santa in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.


18. once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.

He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.


19. Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died.

A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died

'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'


20. Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.


21. Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....

Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???


22. Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....

Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??

Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??

Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!


23. Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.


24. Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.


25. Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Real Meaning of Words


School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

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Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

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Love Affairs:
Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.

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Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

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Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

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Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

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Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

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Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

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Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

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Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

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Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

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Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

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Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

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Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

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Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

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Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

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Father:
A banker provided by nature.

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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

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Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.


Indian Guts (Joke)


Indian Guts


In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers.


They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.


The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts!"
.



Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German said "See the guts ".



Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds. The soldier promptly replied, "Tere baap ka naukar hooon kya?????." (Am I Servant Of Your Father) At this the general proudly said "See the guts"




Two opposites suicides (pics)

Two opposite suicides:
1) Fish is coming out from water with the help of balloon.
2) Man is entering into water tied himself with stone.



Two opposites suicides


Laloo's offer letter from microsoft (Joke)



Laloo Prasad sent his Resume - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.

No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Engineer Vs Doctor (Joke)


Engineers Vs Doctors message:
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So all ofthem gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying toprove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goesaway....Doctors say "Dekh lenge"
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally "SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket, Engineers don't buy anyticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined........

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket ) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets thistime...SO TC Comes. All Engineers show their tickets..... & Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train!!!!!!!!

Internet in stone age (Pics)

Internet in stone age











Internet in stone age

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Punjabi Confidence (Joke)

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'

'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army'

'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight'

Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.

'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'

Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'

'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'

'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart'

'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'

NOW THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE